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We're running barefoot through four feet of ice and snow. The picturesque ice burns our feet and makes our toes numb. We're laughing hysterically while hoping we don't get frost bite, but even if we did, it wouldn't matter. We have each other; six toes or nine fingers wouldn't change that.

We're sitting in a small park that's filled with cherry blossoms and jacarandas.  They bloomed so suddenly, it reminded us of our love. "One day this is going to end, and I want to prepare myself for that day. But I can't, because I'm so in love with you, I'm like a blind person searching for treasure." You said, interrupting the birds singing their beautiful song. "I'm going to hold onto you so tight, and I won't be able to think straight because you make my heart race just thinking about you. The only way this is going to end is when our time on earth has expired."

We're dancing in the summer rain, feeling our hopelessness and anxiety washing away. You help me pick the sunflower that's all alone. Everything deserves to be loved, even a flower that seems insignificant to most.

We're the trees in spring, falling further and further apart.
© Dannielle Wells
My friend told me that I'm too depressing :P so I wrote this. even though they broke up in the end it's all lovey dovey corny stuff.
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:iconcritelli:
critelli Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2009
It has a charming, picturesque appeal to it. Subtle imagery mixed with soft human emotions. I like it. :D
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critelli Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2009
:hug:
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:iconvanitiumforma:
VanitiumForma Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2009   Photographer
'six toes or nine fingers wouldn't change that." <- my favorite part.
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:icontarrigan:
Tarrigan Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2009  Student General Artist
this is quite lovely, it has a nice sense of humor at the beginning with the six toes or nine fingers couldn't change that, i laughed :)

only criticism, you use 'feet' and 'ice' too much in the first line, it makes it sound a little clumsy.
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:icontarrigan:
Tarrigan Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2009  Student General Artist
*laughs* that's fine, i do the same thing, sometimes it takes someone else to point it out ^^
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:iconicy-moon-shadow:
icy-moon-shadow Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2009
This piece has been featured [link] Please vote up the article so more people can see it!
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:iconsoulsearcher1on1:
soulsearcher1on1 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I found this poem to light up my emotions the joy and happiness is fulfilling but then you can sense the foreboding of that expectant change in life or the loss that is likely to occur even if we don't want it to happen.
A lovely piece glad I read the critic as it inspired me to read it.:)
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soulsearcher1on1 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
:tighthug:
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:icongarnetkate:
GarnetKate Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2009   Photographer
I've never critiqued literature before, so I'm hesitant to make this an official critique, but if you'd like me to, I can :)

The imagery in the piece is strong which is important in such a short piece of writing. You've managed to convey to me at least, a sense of urgency and excitement that might come with new and deep love. I like both the amount of dialogue in this story, and how you've integrated it into the paragraph rather than separated out onto individual lines, it adds to the whole feel of the story very well.
I also like the range of thoughts you have covered in such a small space, especially that even though their love is unconditional, the nature of it will likelt some day change. You've achieved this well through the description of the changing of the seasons as if their relationship is that entity itself.

I feel like the end is a bit unfinished though. It seems quite abrupt to me, and I'm not sure if that's quite the way you wanted it to be portrayed or not. Not being a writer myself, I can't really make any suggestion on how to change that :(
Overall, I like this piece, I think it's amazing how you've managed to convey so much meaning though so few words. :+fav: :iconteamoplz:
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GarnetKate Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2009   Photographer
:) no problem, yeah i wasn't sure if that was a stylistic addition or not. That, and I haven't read much literature on dA OR critiqued any before, so yeah... don't take anything I've said too seriously if it doesn't make sense!
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:iconuberjoe19:
uberjoe19 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2009
I likes it.
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:icondarkriderdlmc:
DarkRiderDLMC Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2009
This made me laugh, Thank you!
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:icondanni321:
Danni321 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2009
Heh, no problem. :heart:
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